Unchained: Breaking Free from the Prison of Toxic Shame

Shame is one of the most toxic mental and emotional states that we as humans can encounter. It may be no surprise why the enemy uses this against God’s people to persuade us into believing less than what God says.

It differs from the guilt that provokes remorse when we do wrong. Shame seeks to imprint itself on our identity, thus evoking a sense of being inherently wrong or bad. As a virulent enemy, shame damages our self-perception, and destroys like the enemy who seeks to do the same (John 10:10).

As an inside enemy, shame operates from our memory, to trap us and tether us to past trauma. It is subversive, captivating our thoughts and negatively rewiring our self-perception. It commandeers present choices and behaviors, halting progress toward the manifestations of God’s dream and our destiny.

Shame collaborates with fear and other uncomfortable feelings to poison our patterns (in belief and behavior), infecting us with self-doubt. The weight of shame imprisons us in shadows, where we remain hidden and hurt.

How God helps us break free from toxic shame

In this manner, shame denies the Holy Spirit an opportunity to draw goodness out of us, though our gifts long to break through and showcase the light and splendor of a great God. We often pay more attention to its voice than the Lord who comes to comfort and counsel.

The Holy Spirit will invite and encourage us, but He won’t overstep if we won’t allow God’s Truth to permeate our thoughts and inform our actions. Although it seems that the enemy screams, vying for our attention, we have a choice where to direct and harness focus. Too often, we entertain the distractions, negative thoughts, and limiting beliefs that persuade us of shame’s power instead of the authority that God has given us to annihilate it.

Battling condemnation

Instead of listening to shame’s counsel, we need the Lord to intervene and reveal the way out of stuck places. He beckons for us to rivet our focus on Scripture, reckoning our worth with liberating Truth (John 8:32).

God patiently waits for us to respond to His offer for healing and deliverance, even after we have thrashed in self-loathing and condemnation. The behavior we enact, however, reveals what we believe. Our hearts will tell on us every time, unveiling the secrets we are ashamed to admit: that we don’t love ourselves or what God has put in us.

It takes a healing journey to shift from regarding the Father with suspicion to affection and trust. Our past wounds tell a story that projects our hurt onto God. We doubt His goodness, disbelieving that He esteems and cherishes us. We struggle to see Him as the good Abba Father that He is.

Often, themes of rejection and abandonment threaded throughout our pasts show up in present behavior that sabotages our future. Our low self-esteem causes us to diminish the power of God, canceling our appointment with the destiny that God has designed (Ephesians 2:10).

God seeks to expose us to what will build our faith and spark hope. In that, He challenges our beliefs about the experiences that have convinced us of unworthiness, and therefore, unable to encounter what we have witnessed in other people.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. – Jeremiah 31:3, NIV

Scripture contends for us, declaring that we are loved beyond our capacity to perceive. While we were still in sin, Jesus died for us, offering His life and everlasting love to reconcile us to the Father. It takes effort and energy on our part to train our minds to believe what the Word says, but it is not impossible.

Stopping comparison

We may elevate others and their gifts, deferring to the goodness of God on display in them. Yet, we fail to see ourselves through that same lens of honor and celebration.

God didn’t run out of creative material when He formed us. In essence, shame not only goads us into self-condemnation but also erodes our sense of being uniquely created and chosen for a distinct and predestined purpose.

Each of us reflects our Creator, and for those of us in Christ, we all contribute as parts of a Body that require the unity of the spirit and diverse callings to accomplish God’s aims on the earth (Ephesians 2:10, 4:4).

We tear down ourselves when we diminish the image of God on display in our own lives. We don’t need to compare ourselves, compete with others, or condemn what we are and what we have been given.

Comparison extinguishes the joy that fellowship was intended to evoke. It dims the intensity of our light, dampening our ability to pierce the darkness.

When we do, we make idols out of another, glorifying another created being over the Creator (Romans 1:25). We become envious and rip apart our bonds, coveting others’ gifts, not necessarily intended to emulate, but rather inspire us to celebrate God in us. The sin of comparison makes us focus on our weaknesses in comparison to the strengths of others. We will always come up lacking in this equation.

Eliminating competition

The enemy has been adhering to the same playbook for generations. He seeded strife between Cain and Abel in the first human family. He fueled the rivalry between Ishmael and Isaac, Esau and Jacob, and Joseph and his brothers.

However, the same kind of spiritual war that plays out in our mental and emotional states is manifesting in our relationships. Here, we often regard a sister or brother as our enemy instead of who is behind the smokescreen.

The accuser whispers lies to persuade us to judge others’ actions as evil while we pridefully glorify our intentions. The Holy Spirit enables us to recognize that these are Satan’s devices, not merely the work of our thoughts and circumstances.

They bear the rotten fruit of a longstanding battle to be seen, known, and loved. The truth remains; We already are seen, known, and loved by God, and we don’t have to spar or jockey for position to prove our worth. Our creation is unique, as are the callings God has individually assigned to each of us.

Coming out of the shadows

However, Jesus beckons us to lock our gaze and step with Him. He came to bring full life, intending for us to extend the Kingdom of God’s righteousness, peace, and joy. He has given the Holy Spirit a treasure within, to navigate us through trial and triumph.

We don’t have to be enslaved to shame and its voice that incites condemnation, comparison, and competition. We do need to offer space in our hearts to receive and rehearse the truth.

It is the power of His love that sees us in what we deem shameful and calls us out into His marvelous light. It is the work of our willingness to dare to believe in Him that shifts our existing narrative from negativity to new life, and from limitation to lavishly loved.

In that, may we see a new facet of not only God’s character and creativity but also reflected in realizing our worth. Cultivating self-esteem that aligns with how God envisions us will support us in coming out of bondage to shame.

It doesn’t stop there but advances us in crafting a life with God of abundance as He intended, a soul rich with purpose, abounding with peace and joy. Let’s work together to take back the life that you were created to live.

Next steps to overcome toxic shame

While only you know the stories that shame has scripted in your life, it is important to recognize that you don’t have to rehearse them. God has good plans for you to experience with Him.

Part of your experience with low self-esteem has been informed by your past, however, your activity on this site reveals that there is a hopeful future that awaits. I would love to help you begin today to blaze your path out of the prison of shame. There’s nothing too hard for Christ to do. He is more than able to fully transform your life from one of shame to one that radiates with love, joy, and peace. I look forward to hearing from you.