Some Common (and More Hidden) Signs of Anger Issues

We’ve all been angry at one point or another. Perhaps your anger is a thing of legend among your loved ones, or maybe you feel that you don’t struggle with anger. One of the challenging things about anger is that you can’t always predict what will happen and how you’ll react. Anger is one of those big emotions that can overtake you if you aren’t careful or haven’t learned how to regulate your emotions effectively.

Anger can show up in its mild form, but it can also be like a geyser. Either way, it’s important to know how to deal with that anger, because the impact of anger can be immense. If you struggle to handle your anger, it could damage your relationships with your loved ones. Unmanaged anger can also cause you emotional distress, and it can have health consequences such as an increased risk of depression, anxiety, hypertension, and cardiovascular disease.

There’s something quite fascinating when you watch a cowboy wrangle a calf or a steer. Typically, they’re on horseback, and with their years of experience, they assess the situation and choose an approach that’ll work best given the animal’s size, surroundings, and temperament. Using a lasso, they rope the animal around the horns or its neck to control its movements, or they might use a heel loop to catch its back legs and take it down.

The description above likely does no justice whatsoever to the complexity, speed, and accuracy with which cowboys do their thing. It takes riding skills, roping skills, and deft animal handling skills to do what they do. All the while, they have to take care not to hurt the animal as well as protect themselves from hazards like being trampled or kicked. It’s a testament to what people can do with practice and training.

The point to all that is this – if people can learn how to wrangle an animal that weighs a few hundred to a thousand-plus pounds, it’s possible to learn how to handle our emotions, including anger. We can learn how to assess our thoughts, surroundings, and figure out the best way to express or otherwise deal with our anger.

Do I have anger issues?

When you think of anger, what comes to mind? You may have a specific image in your head, maybe of something that a relative did last Thanksgiving, or the crazy thing that happened on the freeway when you last were on a road trip, or maybe something you saw in the grocery store or while picking your kids up from school. Was that anger serene, or was it explosive and outrageous?

Most of us likely think of anger in its more explosive and egregious forms. That stands out way more than the person who is angry but goes on to calmly express themselves. This shapes our ideas of what anger is, and in turn, it shapes what we think of when we talk about anger issues. It’s probably safe to say most people don’t think of themselves as having anger issues.

What are the signs of anger issues?

The term “anger issues” is a popular term that we use to describe when a person has difficulty regulating or managing their anger properly. There are some signs of anger issues that are easily identifiable, but there are others that are less common or are somewhat hidden. Being able to discern these signs can help you assess whether you struggle with anger. Some of the more obvious signs of anger issues include the following:

Frequent outbursts If you experience anger regularly, and it’s intense or overwhelming, that could point to anger issues.

Aggressive behavior Engaging in verbal aggression like yelling, screaming, making threats, or using hurtful language toward others points to anger issues. Similarly, physical aggression, such as throwing objects, getting involved in altercations, punching walls, or damaging property, also suggests anger issues. Such expressions of anger might lead you into legal trouble.

Damaged relationships Often, the result of uncontrolled anger is blazoned in one’s relationships. If you’ve broken relationships because of things you said or did while angry, that’s a serious sign of anger issues.

Those might be some of the more obvious signs of anger issues. There are, however, other signs that might escape notice, and these include the following:

Passive-aggressive behaviors This includes expressing anger through indirect actions or subtle behaviors, like giving someone the silent treatment, making sarcastic comments, or mocking others as a way to express frustration or anger. These behaviors could also manifest as procrastination or even sabotaging others’ efforts as a way to express frustration or anger.

Other expressions of passive-aggressive behavior, like chronic lateness or forgetfulness, can also point to underlying anger being expressed in indirect ways.

Internalized anger This will often look like holding onto anger and resentment, which can be distressing. The feeling of being stuck in a situation or resentful toward others for your circumstances could be pointing to anger issues.

Self-criticism Anger issues can also be displayed through being overly critical of yourself. This is another instance of internalized anger. You might call yourself names, and sometimes it may even manifest in punishing yourself by hitting yourself, starving yourself, or other maltreatment.

People-pleasing Trying too hard to please other people by suppressing anger to try and keep the peace could point to anger issues, especially if you fear your own anger and what you might do if you allowed yourself to feel that anger. A people pleaser might then become what’s been called an “exploding doormat” – docile in the moment but exploding or acting out when it becomes too much to take.

Cynicism or bitterness Another way for underlying anger to manifest is as cynicism or bitterness. At the heart of it might be unexpressed anger that hasn’t been dealt with effectively, or perhaps even acknowledged.

Physical symptoms Anger is usually accompanied by physical symptoms, and experiencing these could point to anger issues. They include tension or muscle strain in the neck, back, or shoulders, as well as digestive issues linked to stress or anger.

When you have a healthy relationship with anger, you can express it directly, calmly, and respectfully. Suppressing anger, internalizing it, or otherwise pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t help you deal appropriately with that anger and can instead lead to other issues. These less common or hidden signs of anger issues reflect the reality of an unhealthy relationship with anger.

The Causes of Anger Issues

Anger issues can stem from several sources. One place is trauma, especially when that trauma doesn’t get resolved or addressed. It’s not uncommon for a person who’s experienced a traumatic event but hasn’t processed it to lash out at loved ones unexpectedly. Ongoing stress can also worsen feelings of anger and irritability. It’s harder to control or regulate your emotions when your mental and emotional resources are depleted.

Anger issues may also be the result of learned behaviors. If you grow up in an environment where anger isn’t handled appropriately, whether by denying or suppressing it, or where anger outbursts are the norm, that can contribute to developing anger issues.

Anger issues might also be the result of certain medications or health conditions. Depression and anxiety, for instance, can increase the risk of anger issues.

When you understand the cause of your anger issues, you can look for ways to address the underlying concerns.

Anger Management Tips

Anger issues aren’t insurmountable. Just as you can learn how to wrangle a steer, it’s possible to learn how to deal with your anger so that it doesn’t overpower or overtake you. You can control your anger and learn how to express it constructively. The way to get there is through deeper self-awareness. Understanding the patterns and triggers of your anger helps you anticipate your anger to prevent being caught by surprise.

Self-awareness is one thing, but it’s important to complement that by learning anger management techniques such as relaxation, visualization, and deep breathing, which can help you calm yourself when you’re feeling angry. Learning to walk away, take a timeout, reframe the situation, or approach things with good humor also helps you deal with anger better.

You can also work with an anger management therapist in Texas who can help you to better identify the underlying causes of your anger, as well as any unhelpful patterns of thought or behavior that worsen your anger, like jumping to conclusions or catastrophizing. Your therapist can help you develop effective coping strategies and teach you how to express yourself assertively and constructively.

To learn more about the signs of anger issues and to meet with a Christian counselor in Texas, contact our office today at Texas Christian Counseling.