Journeying Effectively With a Loved One On the Path to Spiritual Growth

Some things are just way more fun when you do them with another person. Hiking, dancing, watching a movie, getting a good workout in, making a meal, going thrifting – these and many other activities can be fun when you do them with someone else. This isn’t to say you can’t do them alone, or that they lack something as a solo activity. Rather, if you do them with a like-minded person who’s up for it, it can be even more fun to share that activity.

Our biology and the way God made us in His image (Genesis 1:26-27) means that we are hardwired to be relational and social creatures. We thrive best when we are with others and connected in meaningful relationships with those others. This reality of our interdependence becomes even more apparent when we’re going through a tough time. Our social network can help us bear up under stressful and difficult situations.

A person’s spiritual journey is a deeply intimate and complex area of their life. Their relationship with God might be their most cherished relationship, it might inform the core of who they are, they may be struggling with God in this season of life, or perhaps they are new believers and still investigating what it means to know God and be in a relationship with Him. Whatever situation they are in, having someone to come alongside them can be a blessing.

Spiritual growth as personal and communal

There is a sense in which spiritual growth is a deeply personal endeavor, something between you and God. But there is another sense in which it is also a deeply communal experience, too. Jesus spoke about a person’s prayer life, saying that we shouldn’t be like hypocrites who love to stand and pray in public to be seen by others. Instead, Jesus says,

Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you – Matthew 6:5-6, ESV

This can lead to the conclusion that what you do with your spiritual life is solely between you and God. And yet, the same Jesus also said, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them” (Matthew 18:20, ESV). Jesus also said, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV).

Jesus connects our relationship to God with our relationship with others, an idea that shows up elsewhere in Scripture (1 John 3:11-18; James 1:26-2:1-13). Perhaps this suggests that some aspects of one’s spiritual life are personal and shouldn’t be shared, especially if motives such as showing off to others are the point. However, other parts of our spiritual lives are public and shared with others who are in Christ.

All this is to commend the idea that when it comes to spiritual growth, there is likely a similar thing going on: there are deeply personal things that we ought to be working on and doing on our own, but we are also not meant to do our faith walk alone.

We walk in concert with others who are longing for Jesus’ kingdom to come in its fullness. That is why the Bible is filled with so many “one another” statements – to remind us that we are part of a larger family of faith in Christ.

Walking well with others toward spiritual growth

Part of how we walk faithfully and well with others on their path to spiritual growth is to be an encouragement and to use our words to build their faith. We are to speak what helps build others up according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29). We can pray for each other, speaking truthfully and lovingly so that maturity ensues, and we can overcome various challenges (Ephesians 4:15). We can listen more and speak less (James 1:19-21).

Additionally, we are to be in each other’s lives so that we can help one another carry burdens. If one of us stumbles and violates what God wants for us, we are to “restore that person gently”, keeping an eye on ourselves so that we too aren’t tempted (Galatians 6:1-2, NIV).

One of the ways we can encourage spiritual growth and maturity is to do what the writer of the letter to the Hebrews said: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25, NIV). Meeting communally is encouraged, as is spurring each other toward the good.

Spiritual growth has as its aim nothing short of maturing and becoming more and more like Jesus (Ephesians 4:13; Colossians 1:9-14). We cannot do this on our own; we need other people who can encourage us, pray with us, redirect us when we’ve gone astray, remind us of the good news of Jesus, and so much more. If you have a loved one whose spiritual growth you’re invested in, you can walk alongside them in these ways and more.

Of all the things mentioned above, there are likely two keys in journeying effectively with a loved one on the path to spiritual growth: presence, and authenticity.

Presence

Being present in someone’s life means more than just having a passing familiarity with what they’re going through. When you are truly present in someone’s life, you allow yourself to sit with them through daily life and as it unfolds. It takes time to know a person, to understand their story, and to build trust and rapport. Too often, we desire to speak into the lives of others without understanding who they are.

The idea of presence shouldn’t be misunderstood to mean that you can’t meet someone and say something meaningful to them that helps them on the journey. Sometimes strangers say the most impactful and memorable things. However, making an impact in the life of a loved one will more typically involve, well, being more involved. Some have expressed it as earning the right to speak into another’s life.

As Charles Moore put it, the many “one another” statements in the New Testament don’t make sense “unless we share life together and are committed to one another. How are we to bear another person’s burden unless the burden is known and unless we are willing to actually carry it?” Being present means being available and around enough to be a meaningful part of another person’s life.

Authenticity

People can spot a fake when they see one. Being authentic with other people when it comes to spiritual growth may mean things such as being willing to share your own areas of struggle or questions you’re wrestling with. One of the most humbling and authentic things you can say is “I don’t know”. It’s okay to not have the answer to everything. But you can also say, “Let’s try and find out together.”

Authenticity may also mean not putting on airs or a show when people are watching and being different when you’re not “on”. The question to ask yourself is who you are when other people are not watching, and whether you are that same person when you’re around others. The life of faith is complicated enough without having to deal with false religion and hypocrisy.

The life of faith is a life of continual growth; growth and maturity toward a deeper understanding of who God is, and of living in a way that honors God and fulfills His purposes in the world. Spiritual growth isn’t meant to be a solo venture.

Christian counseling for spiritual growth

If your loved one is struggling in their relationship with the Lord, perhaps because of disappointment in God, unmet expectations, or going through personal difficulties that make connecting with God challenging, a professional Christian counselor might be able to help.

A counselor can help them to process their emotions and experiences, working through obstacles such as cognitive distortions toward a fruitful relationship with the Lord. Contact us today to set up an appointment with someone who can help.