A single moment can be powerful enough to change your life forever. A single moment of anger expressed in an unhealthy way can destroy your entire life. Anger is a secondary emotion that most people experience, and it is triggered by emotional hurt.

Typically, when we feel angry, we experience it as an unpleasant feeling that rises in us when we think we have been injured, mistreated, opposed in our long-held and cherished views, or when we are faced with challenges that stand in the way of us attaining our personal goals.

While all people get angry, what varies between us is how often we get angry, how intensely we might feel that anger, how long it lasts, and how comfortable we feel with anger, as well as what we do with our anger once we experience it. Our anger threshold also differs from that of the next person; your anger threshold is about how easily you get angered.

Is anger good, bad, or neither?

Like all our other emotions, anger indicates something. When you feel anger, that is a signal to you that something in your environment isn’t right. Our feelings are designed to capture our attention and motivate us to take action to correct whatever isn’t right in our world (or to celebrate what’s going right in our world, in the case of joy).

However, our feelings are not meant to control us. We have to learn to get to the root of what causes negative emotions and begin the process of learning how to take control of them.

Depending on who you are, your personality, and your life experiences, you probably view anger and the expression of anger a certain way. There are some people for whom feeling anger and expressing it is a huge ‘no-no’, and that’s maybe because growing up they saw expressions of anger that traumatized them and others around them.

For some people, they struggle to get angry at anything because they somehow feel they shouldn’t get angry. And yet other people are maybe a little too liberal with their anger – they have no qualms about expressing it, but it usually leaves damage in its wake.

When you feel anger, your body is letting you know that something around you is affecting you. When your body tries to tell you something, it’s a good idea to listen to it. What you do with the anger is the big question. Sometimes, when you’re angry you can denigrate the other person, who was made in God’s image, and in that way, anger can be destructive.

What the Bible says about anger

Anger is an emotion that in most situations causes harm. And that harm is either to yourself, others, or both. Anger does harm to your heart, body, and soul, and it can severely damage others as well as your relationships.

Don’t get me wrong: anger can sometimes be warranted. You can be angry about starving children and that anger moves you to start a non-profit that seeks to meet their needs. You can also be angry about getting cut off in traffic and find yourself cursing out the offender. But in either situation, we could respond differently.

Our anger at the issue of children not getting enough to eat could lead us to hurl epithets or a shoe at a lawmaker we may believe is responsible for the policies that have impoverished those children. And our anger at the person who cuts us off in traffic may erupt in a lament and prayer for our world, moving you to desire to be the difference and want to repay evil with kindness wherever you go.

In either situation, anger led to different results. What matters is our hearts, and by that, I mean the totality of our being – our thoughts, emotions, attitudes, and desires. If our hearts aren’t set on the things that matter to God and they aren’t shaped by the values of the kingdom (peace, joy, love, holiness, courage), then our anger at whatever situation can take us places we shouldn’t go. Proverbs 4:23 states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

While anger can move you to do great things, perhaps the message is that because our anger can so easily turn into something ugly, finding our motivation and center in the love and peace of God is a better starting place.

Anger can be constructive, but it can also be severely damaging. The message from the Bible is, in the end, that perhaps because human anger can be so destructive, and even in its most constructive form can turn destructive without us even realizing it, it is best to not let our anger take the lead.

When you’re feeling angry, you must recognize that you’re feeling angry and try to understand why. If it’s pain of some kind that is causing it, then we should find its source and try to deal with it. All our struggles and sorrows can be brought before Jesus, and that includes whatever stirs our anger.

If your anger is more in control of you than you of it, perhaps you should consider getting help through faith-based anger management counseling. Some things should elicit anger, such as evil in the world. Other things might draw out an angry response, but you should ask yourself if it’s worth getting worked up about it.

Our anger threshold for things such as long lines at the grocery store or getting cut off in traffic could stand to be higher, and in some cases, some people could stand to get a little angrier. Part of what it means to follow Jesus is to become like him, to have a heart like his, and to grow in handling situations in a mature way that recognizes your dignity and the dignity of others.

One verse that might seem to underwrite our anger is Psalm 7:11 which says, “God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day.” So surely, if being a follower of Jesus means becoming more like him, and if God displays his wrath every day, then why can’t I? The problem with that is it misses a few steps.

For one thing, the first part of the verse says that “God is a righteous judge”. We aren’t the best judges, either when it comes to ourselves or other people, nor are we perfectly righteous. We have a bias toward ourselves, excusing our bad behavior, while not always extending empathy toward others. We don’t always know what is good and right in a situation.

God’s anger is righteous anger, while our anger is often fueled by other motivations and agendas. And so, before we jump ahead and claim our anger as okay, we need to slow down. More than a few of the verses that follow urge us to slow down and not let our anger take the lead, because anger is seductive and blinds us to creatively exploring other paths to resolve situations.

Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.Proverbs 14:29, NIV

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.James 1:19-20, NIV

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. – Proverbs 29:11 (NIV)

‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. – Ephesians 4:26-31, NIV

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. – Proverbs 19:11, NIV

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these.

I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:19–24, ESV

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.Ecclesiastes 7:9, NIV

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, NIV

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. – Proverbs 15:18, NIV

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these, the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Colossians 3:5–8, ESV

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. – James 4:1-2, NIV

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city. – Proverbs 16:32, NIV

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.Psalm 86:15, ESV

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered – Proverbs 22:24, NIV

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. – Matthew 5:22, NIV

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. – Psalm 37:8-9, NIV

Meditate on these scriptures and ask the Lord to help you to control your anger. Ask the Holy Spirit to work in you to change your heart toward others. Do you need the additional guidance of a faith-based counselor to help you discern whether your anger is controlling you?

Contact me today and set up an appointment. I would love to help walk you through the process of getting free from the control anger has had on your life and begin enjoying the life that you were meant to have.

Photo:
“Fight”, Courtesy of Timur Weber, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
Categories: Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling9.6 min read

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