Aging in America: Should You Take Care of Your Aging Parents?

As the cost of living continues to rise, a majority of Americans are struggling to make ends meet and keep up with household expenses. More and more people are living in debt and cannot afford to have emergency savings to turn to on those inevitable rainy days. Amidst these financial struggles, having to care for one’s aging parents can present a significant challenge.

Aging in America has become increasingly expensive. Care homes and paid caregivers are unfortunately out of reach for an average American family, leaving the duty to care for aging parents to their children. Given this and other challenges associated with caring for the elderly, one of the ethical conundrums that adult children grapple with is caring for their aging parents.

Why Some Parents Who are Aging in America Need to be Cared For

Due to advancements in medical care and improved living standards, life expectancy in the US has increased over the past century. About 18% of the American population is over sixty-five years old, which is quite a high number. Let us explore some of the reasons why parents who are aging in America may require their children’s support in their old age.

Declining physical and mental health As people age, they may experience declining physical and mental health, leading them to need support from others for their daily care.

Exorbitant healthcare costs American healthcare costs are some of the highest in the world, and many elderly people deplete their savings on treatments, long-term care, and other assisted living costs. This unfortunately, forces them to rely on their children for continued care and support.

Lack of retirement savings and sources of income Although having retirement savings is one of the most spoken of financial pieces of advice, many people are finding it increasingly difficult to live up to it. Low-income jobs, poor planning, job losses, and other financial responsibilities are some of the reasons why people do not have retirement savings.

Cultural norms In some cultures, and regardless of affordability, paid assisted living and long-term care are not common. The expectation and norm are for children to take care of their aging parents.

What does the Bible say about caring for parents in old age?

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. – Exodus 20:12, NIV

This is one of the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God. Commandments were not given as optional rules but as commands that God expected His people to obey. Honoring one’s parents is an act of obedience to God because the Bible says, “to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” (1 Samuel 15:22, NIV) When you honor your parents, you go beyond showing them respect and obeying them. You also take care of them and their needs.

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied faith and is worse than an unbeliever. – 1 Timothy 5:8, NIV

As Christians, the Bible is our book of instructions, which teaches us to live how God wants us to live.

This verse teaches us that caring for our family, including our aging parents, should not be a burden, but rather one of the ways we can live a Christlike life. James 2:17 (NIV) says, “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” Salvation puts us in a relationship with God, but good deeds show our growth in Him and our maturity as Christians.

Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. – Proverbs 23:22, NIV

As we grow older and become independent from our parents, we must remember that above all else, it is our parents who brought us into this world. Most parents make sacrifices for their young children to provide for their needs. When one day the roles are reversed and they are reliant on us for support, we must not neglect this God-given responsibility.

Challenges Associated with Caring for Aging Parents

All the reasons we cited above for why parents may end up needing their children’s support and care in their old age are justifiable. We even saw that God expects us to take care of our aging parents. However, we must acknowledge that there are challenges associated with that process, including:

Financial Strain For families that are already barely scraping by, having the added responsibility of supporting aging parents, including taking care of their medical bills, can prove quite taxing. For lack of options, some caregivers are forced to give up their jobs to take care of their parents, losing their source of income in the process.

Emotional Strain Watching helplessly as the person who once took care of you starts to waste away and become a shadow of themselves can be emotionally straining. Conditions such as Alzheimer’s get worse over time, and there are no treatments to make it better, which makes it almost like playing a waiting game.

Strain on Relationships Taking care of an elderly parent who may be suffering from a terminal condition can be time-consuming. Some are dependent on caregivers to do all day-to-day activities, including eating, bathing, and using the bathroom. It becomes difficult to make time for everyone, and this may end up affecting your relationships with your friends, other family members, partner, and children.

God will give you the strength you need

When the responsibility of taking care of your aging parents becomes overwhelming, remember Psalm 34:18 (NIV), which says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Instead of bottling things up and trying to figure everything out by yourself, allow God to comfort you and give you strength.

The Word of God encourages us to have faith, yet sometimes we limit Him by focusing on the negatives and what we think is impossible. The cost of living is at an all-time high but Philippians 4:19 (NIV) says, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

Even in our most difficult financial situations, we need to learn to trust in God’s ability to provide for our every need. In the Book of Exodus 17, when the Israelites were in the desert and were thirsty, God did what a human mind conceives as being impossible. He provided water to them from a rock.

It is not coincidental that this account happened in a desert and that God chose to make water come out of a rock. God could have commanded Moses to dig for water from the ground, but God chose the extraordinary way.

The desert is symbolic of the inevitably difficult, desolate, and dry patches of our lives. Water from the rock is also symbolic that no situation is too dry or too difficult for God. If the financial strains that come with looking after your parents are too much, remember that if He could make water come out of a rock, He will help you through your financial circumstances.

Reach out to us

Aging in America, while a big blessing, sometimes brings with it challenges for families. When you, as an adult child, have to take the responsibility of taking care of your elderly parents, it is difficult and demanding. If you are dealing with some of these challenges, we have counselors at our office who can help you walk that journey more confidently. Reach out to us and make an appointment today.