A Christian Counselor’s Guide to the Best Personal Development Books

Therapists are asked on a routine basis about the best personal development books to help people in their therapy journey. The recommendations are as varied as the counselors are because different books speak to different counselors.

Each counselor will have a book that speaks to their heart, especially in the Christian counseling field. There are thousands of books about psychology, self-improvement, self-help, personal development, and every issue you can imagine from ADHD to Zelophobia (the fear of jealousy).

While it’s difficult to narrow it down to just a few there is a collection of books that I highly recommend. These books delve deep into specific issues that can help people see what is going on in their lives from an outside perspective. It is meaningful when we connect with a book because we feel as if other people must have gone through the same thing they have, which is why someone wrote a book about it.

The first book I recommend as a Christian counselor is of course the Bible. The Bible gives us comfort and peace and a structure to live by. A lot of clients that come to therapy need help finding a structure for their lives, their lives are chaotic, on several different paths at once, etc. Having a set structure for your life can help reduce anxiety, depression, confusion, and other issues.

It is living lives that stray from biblical principles that has clients seeking help for their selves, marriages, their children, or even at work. Having no structure in our lives means that anything and everything is allowed and when that happens it just invites chaos. Having a set of standards to guide our lives by is imperative, no matter what the belief system is.

Another book I recommend is one of my personal favorites: Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book was published in 1992 and has changed the world and how people relate to each other.

When we do not have boundaries we live in a reactive world: we react to how people treat us, what they say to us, and what they think of us, and it impacts our mental health, or we are allowing people to just use us for whatever their purpose is without any consideration on what we want or how it affects us. When we set boundaries, certain actions or behaviors are no longer acceptable to us; we learn to build a defense against these actions.

This also allows us to respond not in a reactive way but in a proactive way. For example, Aunt Chelsea stays with you every single time she visits, she is loud, has no bedtime, eats all your food, and comes and goes at all hours of the night, or she could be simply too difficult to get along with.

A person with healthy boundaries would say “Aunt Chelsea, I’m so glad you’re coming to town for a visit, I’d love to have dinner with you a couple of nights, here is a list of local hotels close by all the family, I look forward to seeing you at dinner!”

What would happen if you were able to do that? Can you imagine the weight coming off of your shoulders already? That is what having boundaries does for us – it teaches us to have a set of rules for ourselves and to teach other people how to interact with us in accordance with those rules.

People without boundaries suffer from depression, anxiety, and other issues at a much higher rate than those with boundaries who have learned to steer and control their emotional lives and those who impact them.

Although not a psychology book per se, the next book I recommend is Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. Why do I recommend a money book? Because money is one of the top stressors for individuals. The American Psychological Association stated, “as many as 8 out of 10 Americans are stressed because of money concerns.”

Out of those eight, 60% feel angry and irritable, 53% lie awake at night thinking about money, and many others report physical ailments related to stress over money such as headaches, stomach aches, and muscle tension. Money and the stress it can bring have a huge impact on our physical and mental health.

In Total Money Makeover, Ramsey advises individuals on how to pay down their overwhelming debt, it teaches people to do this through changing their behavior. Money is not about math or numbers, it is about our habits around money. Most people do not even have $1,000 in savings for an emergency, and that’s where Dave starts you off.

How different would life be if we just had a little set aside for emergencies? He then walks the reader through how to make the debt more manageable. Most people do not have a budget in place or even know where their money ends up month to month. One of the first things couples and individuals should do after getting a paycheck is sit down and write out a budget, an assigned place for every dollar.

Another great book is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. What is a love language? It is how we receive love and how we feel loved. Different people perceive different acts as love. For some people it is quality time together, such as sitting down and watching a movie together at home, for others, it is physical touch, such as holding hands.

Throughout his book (and online via his free quiz) Chapman teaches how to figure out our love language and that of our significant other. This helps us to form stronger bonds in our relationships. When we love people in the best way they receive love, we are making them feel appreciated and loved, how wonderful is that?

Did you know you have a happiness set point? You do! Clients come to therapists looking to “be happy,” but what exactly is happiness? Marci Shimoff researches that in her book Happy For No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out. In it, Marci looks at the research into positive psychology, discovering that we have a happiness set point which our happiness will go back to if we don’t work to make it set higher.

Why is this important? Clients often come to therapists because they think they should “feel happy”. Then counselors ask the client “What does happy mean to you?” It may seem like a “therapist-y” question, but it is a one.

Happiness is different for everyone and knowing what the client’s expectation of “happy” is, can be an important part of the treatment process. “Where are you starting?” and “Where do you want to get to?” are the most important questions in therapy and also in life coaching.

Happy For No Reason discusses what therapists try to get clients to embrace: that external circumstances are not a true measure of happiness. We cannot control our external circumstances most of the time, but we can control our reactions to them. We can control how we allow our circumstances to impact us.

And last but not least, Safe People by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book takes boundaries to the personal relationship level and teaches you to distinguish between people who are safe and those who are not. Unsafe people are damaging to us emotionally, and if you are a single parent dating again, they can be detrimental to your children’s mental health.

An unsafe person can be a dating partner, a friend, a co-worker, an in-law, or anyone who threatens your mental health or the mental health of those you love. This book talks about relational safety, how to pick better friends, and allowing safer people in our environment and our lives. We cannot control who we work with or who our brother marries, but we can control how we react to these people and how far we let them in.

These books are just a starting point for your journey in self-development. They are tools that therapists use to help clients understand concepts that need more time than one session. Book homework is a great therapist aid because it helps therapists give the client something to do every day to enrich their sessions.

You may be confused about a concept in a book, but you can go back and read it again and again. The book will be there to help guide you through what you are experiencing until you can see your therapist again. Books also teach you how to find resources for yourself.

If you like a specific author you may like more of their books, maybe the way they write and present their topic resonates with you and you find yourself reading their entire book list. Before you know it you have a great system in place for yourself to handle difficult circumstances and situations.