It’s Okay To Be Messy: Perfectionism and Anxiety

Are you a person who finds yourself tired at the end of the day because you seem to have battled thoughts of how to maintain perfection? Do you find that you get lost in making something look perfect and never complete the project?

It can be exhausting not only physically but mentally as well. You find yourself in a battle for perfection even with things that you realize that no one else will ever see. When you are struggling with perfectionism and anxiety your body becomes exhausted.

Defining perfectionism

What is perfectionism? It is the tendency to need everything to be just right. Everything has a place, and it should always be put back in that place after being used. This sounds easy enough. However, for a house full of children, it may not be that simple and striving for perfectionism puts a strain not only on yourself but on those around you.

A person with a high expectation of perfectionism may feel that something isn’t good enough if it isn’t perfect. This could be their home, the office, or even their appearance. Perfectionism is striving for control of something that is out of your control.

As a person who struggles with perfectionism, you may feel as though you are always under the microscope. You feel as though everyone is looking at you and judging you based on how perfect you are. The reality is that most people aren’t even paying attention to the details that you think stand out like a sore thumb.

God doesn’t want us striving to attain perfection. In a fallen world, we are unable to walk a perfect life. Our human tendencies will always lead us astray. God wants us to know that it’s okay if things are messy.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. – Galatians 1:10, NIV

Anxiety and perfectionism

Some people may experience physical symptoms related to their inability to reach perfectionism. When a person struggling with perfectionism feels as though they have failed to get everything just right, they may experience symptoms of anxiety.

Perfectionism is a mindset that may be a result of an early childhood experience. Someone may have placed unrealistic expectations on you that left you feeling like you never measured up or that you continually missed the mark.

The truth is that the basis of anxiety is fear. For a person struggling with perfectionism, this comes from a fear of judgment by others. This can be a fear of how others see your success. The fear of making a mistake and being ridiculed can also result in you striving for perfectionism. Perfectionism can trigger anxiety because the you have set an unrealistic goal. Jesus instructs us in the Bible to let go of worry.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:34, NIV

Symptoms of anxiety

There are some common symptoms of anxiety. A person may or may not experience all of them. However, most people experience multiple symptoms during an anxiety attack.

Here are some of the most common symptoms of anxiety that most people experience during an anxiety attack:

• Rapid heart rate.
• Hyperventilation.
• Difficulty focusing.
• Shaking.
• Tingling, numb, or sweaty hands.
• Stomach pain.
• Nauseousness.

Many anxiety attacks can last about 25 to 30 minutes. Once your body begins to calm down, the symptoms usually disappear. When you are feeling these symptoms, you can turn to God’s Word and see that He is there to reduce your worry and fear.

Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.” – Isaiah 35:3-4, NIV

Overcoming perfectionism anxiety

The clinical label for anxiety brought on by perfectionism is simply perfectionism anxiety. There are ways to overcome these anxiety attacks. Learning to accept that you are not going to be perfect can be difficult. Having a fear of judgment or disapproval from people around you can take time to overcome. However, there are ways that you can overcome perfectionism and anxiety.

Know your thought processes regarding perfectionism

One of the best things you can do to begin overcoming perfectionism anxiety is to understand yourself. You know your patterns and triggers better than anyone else. When you recognize behaviors as triggers you can then learn how to change your mindset about these behaviors and learn which Scriptures to consult that will help you overcome these negative thoughts and behaviors.

Understand that you will make mistakes

There is no way around this one. Everyone will make mistakes. How we handle those mistakes is what is important. Understanding that mistakes are ways we can learn something new. They can even promote our thinking in a way that we reach a goal easier.

Don’t set unattainable goals

It’s okay to set realistic goals. You want to set a goal that you know will make you better. An unreachable goal can cause you to be overwhelmed with feelings of failure. We all like to feel challenged when setting a goal. But we also all like to feel accomplished when meeting them.

Seek the positive things in life

When you are trying to be perfect you are focused on what you feel is wrong. You are looking only at the negative things you need to fix. This is not a healthy mindset for anyone. Start looking for positive things that offset the negative. Appreciate that God has made you according to His perfect will and come into agreement with what His Word says about you.

Be kind to yourself

Along with looking for the positive, remember to be kind to yourself. Don’t be so harsh on yourself when you forget to fold the laundry. Learn to love who you are because of how God created you. Let go of what you think you need to be because of the world. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy. He is the one who condemns and accuses you. Learn to combat those accusations with the truth of God’s Word.

Know the why behind what you do

Focus on the meaning behind doing what you do. When you are passionate about what you do there is no need to worry about how perfect it becomes. The joy comes from why you are creating it rather than the desire for perfection.

Don’t keep putting off doing something because of perfection

Procrastination is one of the most common ways that a perfectionist will try to keep from feeling like a failure. They don’t want to risk failing, so they don’t try at all. Learn to give yourself grace. It’s okay to make a messy start. Procrastination adds additional fear by lengthening the time it takes to complete a project.

Remove anything that will keep you focused on perfection

In a world that is consumed with technology, it is easy to fall into the mindset of needing to be perfect. Everywhere you look you are faced with things that promote perfection. We want to maintain a lifestyle that is perfectly acceptable according to society’s standards.

Whether it is a channel on your Roku or a station on your music app, don’t let yourself be consumed with narratives that increase your awareness of perfection. Remember that social media is so unfair that during your scrolling, many times you are comparing your worst day with someone else’s seemingly best day.

Accept criticism as a learning tool

It’s tough to be criticized. You pour everything you have into a project, and you are pleased with the outcome. Then you hear the criticism. Your first instinct is to feel like you have failed. The best way to see this is as a learning moment. We won’t get everything perfect. But we can learn from what others say about our work. When it is healthy criticism, it can be our best tool to move forward in our goals.

If you feel that you are unable to overcome perfectionism and anxiety, reach out

Christian counselors like me are willing to help you reach your goals of overcoming perfectionism anxiety. We can help you identify triggers and cope with the symptoms using faith-based techniques.

Bible verses to help with perfectionism anxiety

It is because of God’s grace and not of our works.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:8-10, NIV

We can go to God when we are tired of striving for perfection.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28, NIV

He has made us according to His perfect will for us.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139:13-14, NIV

God did not design us to live in anxiety over being perfect. He wants us to live in the perfection of who He is in our lives. This is one of the most important thoughts we can have regarding perfectionism and anxiety.