If someone has abandonment issues, they can signal them in several different and seemingly unrelated ways. These can include unhealthy relationship habits, struggling to communicate, constant need for reassurance. If you are looking for help to more effectively cope with abandonment issues, then rest assured that experienced help is at hand.
When someone ends an important relationship or friendship with us, or if someone that we are close to passes on, we will experience loss. The angst and anguish we experience as we go through these experiences is natural.
When it comes to abandonment issues it is important to understand that these difficult and complex emotions do not pass normally. Rather a residue of them remains and this may lead to an unhealthy level of worry and fear of this abandonment happening again.
If you or someone else struggles with abandonment, then common signs are a struggle to have healthy relationships, difficulty communicating with others, or failure to see one’s own value and self-worth.
Defining abandonment issues.
A form of anxiety and stress whose residue can affect relationships throughout a person’s life, the term “abandonment issues” cannot simply be interpreted as a medical diagnosis. Experts expect that the fear of being abandoned comes from an anxious attachment style or a trauma experienced in early childhood.
Due to experiencing these emotional difficulties, one is unable to easily regulate their emotions. Unregulated worry, for example, can easily affect your actions and how you communicate.
An anxious attachment style normally develops when a child’s need for security, and other needs, are not met by their caregivers. Almost all children with an anxious attachment style struggle with insecurities in the area of self-esteem, and some will also struggle with abandonment issues.
Main causes.
Safety and security are right at the base of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and are common requirements for all people. As children, we relied on our parents and the adults in our lives to give us a stable home life, enough food and clothing, and emotional support. When we become adults we rely on our family, friends, and spouses to help us meet our needs.
Now, when these physical and emotional needs are not met, we can react with heightened anxiety and fear that we will be abandoned which may lead to a decrease in mental health.
Here are three types of events that are found to amplify the possibility of experiencing abandonment issues.
Harm or disregard.
If as a child a person is exposed to neglect or abuse then this can affect how the child makes healthy attachments. Having harm inflicted upon you or being disregarded is detrimental whether it is from a parent or another person in authority over the child.
The passing of a family member.
When a family member dies it is painful and traumatic. All the more so when a parent dies leaving young children. Research has confirmed that grief is closely tied to higher levels of depression and anxiety. If someone has abandonment fears, they often experience the emotion of grief for longer and at a higher intensity than those with more secure attachment styles.
Insecure living conditions:
If a child is raised with limited access to the necessities of life, such as ready access to food, shelter, and medical care – most often caused and exacerbated by poverty – they have an increased risk of developing an anxious attachment style. This attachment style may then contribute to a fear of being abandoned and other abandonment issues.
Signs of abandonment issues.
We form relationships with other people in several ways, such as platonic, romantic, codependent, etc. If we suffer from abandonment issues these issues affect how we engage with people and form relationships with them.
Many different signs could indicate the presence of abandonment issues. Some common symptoms are listed here.
- Trouble speaking with or communicating with other people.
- A constant need for reassurance that they will not leave you.
- Heightened awareness of your partner’s attention and worry that they are not constantly focused on you.
- Struggles to completely trust your partner.
- Moving from relationship to relationship within a relatively short space of time.
- Sabotaging relationships with those close to you.
- Uncharacteristic determination to remain in clearly unhealthy relationships.
- Trouble engaging in intimate behavior accompanied by abusive, manipulative, or coercive behavior.
- Pervasive symptoms of anxiety.
What you need to know about abandonment issues.
When someone experiences severe anxiety or has a fear of being abandoned these may lead to abandonment issues. Some experiences heighten the probability of this, especially those who have experienced trauma.
If you’re looking for help with abandonment issues, then why not browse our online counselor directory or contact our office to schedule an appointment? We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.
“Abandoned Bag”, Courtesy of Jed Owen, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Yellow Case”, Courtesy of Egor Myznik, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Packed and Ready”, Courtesy of Resi Kling, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
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Kate Motaung: CuratorKate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging...
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Articles are intended for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice; the content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All opinions expressed by authors and quoted sources are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, publishers or editorial boards of Stone Oak Christian Counseling. This website does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk.
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