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Codependency in Friendships: Knowing When Things Go Wrong Between Friends

By |September 20th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

Having a best friend for life can be a blessing. That blessing, however, is if the friendship is a healthy one. At times, an unhealthy dynamic of codependency  friendships is mistaken for committed care for one another. Knowing the difference between the two can make all the difference. What’s at the heart of codependency in friendships All good relationships have at their heart the mutual care and concern that ought to mark interactions between people. When it comes to codependent relationships, whether between friends, a parent and child, or between lovers, what’s gone wrong is the breakdown of healthy boundaries. For a relationship to function properly, a distinction needs to be maintained between the people in it so that their distinct needs are met. A good boundary allows us to separate our own needs and feelings from those of others. Boundaries help us define ourselves personally, helping us to thrive as individuals. A lack of poor boundaries leaves people enmeshed with one another. There is a loss of individuality, and with that is the reality that one or both sets of needs aren’t being met. That can be detrimental to emotional and physical health, leading to burnout, among other possibilities. Are you in a codependent friendship? Codependent friendships may look like a deep, rich connection from one vantage point. Upon closer inspection, what’s happening is not healthy for either party in the relationship. Both parties will likely lose their sense of identity the longer the dynamic continues. Some signs of a codependent friendship are: You feel threatened when the other person gets close to other people. Jealousy is common in codependent relationships. Often, other friends are cut off, leading to greater reliance on the friendship for emotional support. One of you is always in need of rescue by the [...]

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Questions to Help You Introduce Counseling to Your Teen

By |September 8th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

The idea of counseling may be new for your teen. While you may have been thinking about the benefits and researching counselors for some time, your teen may not know much about it. Instead of springing the idea on your teen, you can begin by having some natural conversations and asking him or her questions about his or her thoughts regarding counseling, mental health, and overall mental wellness. Questions to ask your teen about counseling. Sometimes teens are resistant to new ideas, especially from their parents. It can be beneficial to start slow when it comes to the idea of counseling. Instead of jumping into it or barraging him or her with questions, consider how to have natural conversations with your teen. Try to incorporate these questions and ideas for a few weeks. Question 1: Do you know anything about counseling? Begin by asking your child what they know about counseling. This does not need to be a deep, personal conversation. It can be general. Try to make this part of a natural conversation while doing something else. You can talk about something like this over dinner, in the car, or while doing chores. If you have trouble bringing it up, you can use someone in pop culture who has pursued counseling as a starting place. Remember, everyone’s ideas and perceptions about counseling are different. Teens are in a particularly unique stage of life where their ideas are still forming. How you interact with your teen can make a big difference. Question 2: Do you know any friends who go to counseling? First, it is important to be clear that you are not asking who goes to counseling. This is a general question to see if counseling is even on your teen’s radar in his or her friendships. Sometimes [...]

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Seeds for Success: Steps to Support Your Spiritual Development

By |August 31st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

God knows how to maximize the gifts and abilities that He placed in us. While there are elements of our purpose and destiny that require proving and maturity, we need to realize that the Holy Spirit wants to mobilize us wherever we are now. It is often through a process of spiritual development that God works to grow what has been planted (1 Corinthians 3:7). Through our spiritual development, He activates a testimony in us that witnesses who God is and what He can do. Our lives may not always reflect a showy presentation. However, even our resilience from falling and rebounding speak of God’s goodness, grace, and glory in our lives (Psalm 37:24). Our society often emphasizes work ethic, noting that if a person wants something, he or she works for it. While that stretches and develops character, life happens along the way, disrupting our view of the plans we’ve made. Sometimes we put in the work, but results don’t always follow a linear path. We make investments toward a specific outcome, but human plans are notorious for encountering roadblocks. This can frustrate us if we have a vision that God has given us, but He, in His wise way, works through our detours and disruptions to produce the desires He’s placed in our hearts. Commit your works to the LORD, And your plans will be established. – Proverbs 16:3, ESV Spiritual development: See the vision While we could become discouraged, we must encourage our hearts in the Lord. Nurturing the vision is essential to spiritual development. It requires that we believe that we already have what we’ve requested from the Lord (1 John 5:15). Scripture underscores this and will build and boost faith. The Word helps us to see through the eyes of faith what hasn’t yet [...]

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Why Do People Have Affairs? 6 Possible Reasons

By |August 22nd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Why do people have affairs? Infidelity in committed relationships is an all-too-common reality couples have to deal with. Though couples set clear boundaries for their relationship, and they make promises to one another to be faithful, infidelity affects a significant portion of relationships. The question then arises – why did it happen? Was there something missing from the primary relationship? Was it simply a case of lust? In short, why do people have affairs? Knowing the answer can help a couple address the issues in their relationship and help them to consider their next steps. Why do people have affairs? Each person who has an affair, whether it is a physical affair that includes sexual intimacy, or an emotional affair that can occur without any physical contact, has reasons for it. They may be fully conscious of those reasons, or they may find themselves being driven by strong impulses they may struggle to articulate. Whatever the reasons may be, however, infidelity is never justified. It is a serious and painful breach of covenant that can destroy a relationship. However, understanding the reasons why people have affairs can provide a couple decide how to proceed. One might be willing to forgive infidelity if it occurred for certain reasons but may struggle to reconcile themselves to infidelity that occurs for certain other reasons. Whether you want to rebuild the relationship may hinge on why the infidelity occurred. Some of the reasons why people have affairs include the following: Hurt people hurt people. Sometimes, an affair is a response to a wrong they’ve suffered within the relationship, such as infidelity. One spouse may have an affair out of anger and a desire for revenge. To find a way out of the relationship. If a person feels stuck in a relationship, one way [...]

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Signs of Anger Issues and Finding Help to Deal With Your Anger

By |August 21st, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Our emotions are an important part of who we are. They enrich our experiences and motivate us to express the very depths of ourselves. Seeing a child smile and laugh draws out our own spontaneous joy, and we can’t help but feel good at that moment. Other emotions, like anger or sadness, are equally part of us, and we need them to experience life fully. Rethink anger and its value. Many people would look at anger and consider it a negative or unhealthy emotion. Often, the reason for this is that we feel angry at things, and in those moments we would characterize as negative. Additionally, when we experience the anger of others, it tends to be a negative experience. No one wants to be at the receiving end of a tirade at the grocery store or the ball game. Too many expressions of anger tend to be unpleasant because they are often uncontrolled, disrespectful, and hurtful. Anger is a natural, healthy emotion that helps us navigate the world. Our anger typically alerts us when a personal boundary has been violated, or if an expectation has been disappointed. We get angry at external events such as a traffic jam that impedes our progress, and we also get angry when we experience failure or are humiliated. In these and other instances of feeling angry, anger alerts us that something has gone awry and needs to be addressed. It matters how we respond to our feelings of anger. It’s better for us and the people in our lives for us to express our anger in a clear, assertive, and calm manner. Instead of suppressing or repressing anger, it is better to articulate it. This enables us to do something about it and not allow it to fester and become resentment or [...]

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4 Ways Counseling for Teens Can Impact Your Entire Family

By |August 2nd, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

When teens are struggling, seeing a counselor can help them be reflective about their thought patterns and circumstances. Counseling for teens can also give them the opportunity to talk to someone who is a trained listener and can ask skillful questions to help the teen come to their own realizations. When counseling works best for a teen, it impacts the entire family. 4 Ways Counseling for Teens Can Benefit Your Family Here are four ways that counseling for teens can have a positive influence on the family unit. 1. A family environment becomes less unpredictable. Teens who learn how to cope with emotional dysregulation are better able to recognize internal chaos, and they have the tools to respond in healthy ways. If the teenager has been lashing out in unhealthy ways due to an inability to recognize his or her emotions and manage them well, the family unit has likely been under serious stress. The more prolonged that state of stress, the more chaotic the home life becomes. When a teen develops a trusting relationship with a counselor, there are often fewer outbursts in the home, a greater degree of harmony among parents and other siblings, and a more holistic approach to healthier living in general. Even without trying, often when a teen learns new coping mechanisms, the family learns them too. 2. Sibling relationships may be restored and renewed over time. Not every teen who undergoes counseling wants to be there or thinks that he or she needs it. However, over time, many teens start to see the benefits of counseling in their relationships. Even if your teenager is going to counseling for an issue that primarily impacts just his or her life, the ripple effect of that counseling can be deep and wide. Perhaps your teenager has [...]

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8 Practical Ways You Can Invest in Your Marriage

By |July 18th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Marriage is complex, requiring many moving parts to work together in tandem. Sometimes those things are all aligned, moving forward without any issues. Other times, things can feel uncoordinated, causing struggle or uncertainty. Whether your marriage is riding along smoothly, or you feel a little out of whack, investing in your marriage can help. Having a healthy, strong marriage does not happen on its own. You must take active steps toward strengthening and fortifying your marriage in every season. During the times when your marriage is struggling and things feel off, investing in your marriage can help get you back in sync, increasing connection. When your marriage feels like it is rolling along smoothly, investing in your marriage can make that stronger, so that when something comes up, you can handle it together. There will be bumps in the road in marriage. Marriage is one of the most intimate relationships in your life. This is not necessarily sexual, although that is part of it. The intimacy of marriage is multifaceted. There is a depth of friendship, understanding, and working together that marriage requires. No matter how much work you put in, there will be challenges. This is part of living in a relationship with another person. These challenges do not need to be scary. Instead, you can do things together that help you face them as a couple, developing a deeper relationship along the way. Choose to do this together. When you and your spouse said your vows, it was a time of agreement between the two of you. Whether you stood before friends and family or it was just the two of you before an officiant, you declared your joint commitment to walking through life together. As you consider investing in your marriage, it is helpful to start [...]

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Successful Aging Today: Tips for How to Age Gracefully

By |July 11th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

The saying, “Eighty is the new sixty,” may be true. More and more seniors live longer than before and enjoy their health and daily activities. Have these people found the secret to successful aging? What is successful aging? Successful aging is planning for the future by choosing better options now in all areas of your life. It is aging gracefully instead of giving in to “getting old.” As you age, you strive for peace in all areas of your life, including your health, family, spirituality, retirement, career, hobbies, finances, and other relationships. You try to make better decisions and consult with experts about making the transition smooth but exciting. How to age successfully (and gracefully). How do you age successfully? Stay active and emphasize your health, relationships, and spiritual life. If you have these bases covered, then everything else falls into place. Can you still get sick even if you eat well? Of course, but your outlook on life can change how you experience situations. It all starts with setting new goals and nurturing your relationships. Set new goals. It used to be that we would hear stories about people who seemed fine until they retired, and then their health rapidly declined. Why was that? How could someone’s mental and physical health be good, and then they would suddenly fall ill after retirement? Going to work and performing a job was a goal for these seniors. However, after retirement, they may have stopped setting goals and only went with the flow of the day. This is not to say that you shouldn’t enjoy the slower pace of retirement. It is to say that setting goals keeps your mind sharp and your body moving. For example, you could take up a couple of new hobbies. Maybe you decide to collect [...]

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Aging in America: What It Means and How You Can Prepare

By |July 4th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Successful aging in America requires planning and effort to gain or maintain a healthy lifestyle. It also means preparing for the future, financially and with end-of-life care. You will also want to ensure that you have made a will and instructions for what you want to be done after you pass. Aging in America is more than living beyond retirement age. It is a lifestyle of embracing a new season of life and enjoying what it brings you. But you need to prepare ahead of time as there are more older generations in the population than younger generations. Is aging in America an issue? Aging in America is quickly becoming an issue as the Baby Boomer generation ages and requires more care, such as healthcare, assisted living, nursing, and hospice. Closely following the Boomers is Generation X, those children born between 1965 and 1981. Generation X is entering a season of their lives that requires annual screenings and lifestyle changes to prepare for the next fifty years. These generations are also living longer than previous generations. The younger generations are choosing to have fewer children, delay having children, or deciding not to have any children at all. This means that by the time that generation is ready for retirement, the country may not have enough healthcare workers. This is another reason we must make plans and lifestyle changes before our health demands it. What we can do. There are several steps you can take to prepare for a new chapter in your life. Become financially aware. Do you know how you will fund your lifestyle after retirement? Will you rely solely on Social Security? Do you have a retirement plan, rental property, or investments? Now is the time to think about how you will live through your 60s, 70s, [...]

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7 Topics to Discuss in Premarital Counseling

By |July 3rd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The proposal was accepted, the wedding plans are well in hand, and you two are making a great choice to sit down with someone for some premarital counseling. Whether you have been together for a few months or a few years at this point, you may feel that you have made a good start to your relationship. You may even think, “We don’t really need this.” Perhaps it’s a requirement by the pastor in order to use a particular church. Perhaps you were encouraged by your parents to get some counseling as a couple. You might be wondering what you will talk about in a counseling session. Or you might be afraid of what sort of things will come up in the session. What if the rose-colored glasses fail you? Will you still be in love? Premarital counseling can provide a strong foundation for your marriage. Let’s look at some of the topics that may come up. Love languages and premarital counseling The love language tests are fairly common and have to do with how a person receives and shows love. Understanding both your own and your partner’s love language can provide a helpful context for communication. The five commonly used love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, gift-giving, quality time, and acts of service. Knowing how you want to be shown love and how you like to show love is a huge source of conflict between couples. A husband/boyfriend is great at gift-giving, but the wife/girlfriend really just wants to hold hands and hug. One partner finds acts of service valuable while the other would prefer to spend time with you. Have a lot of conversations together about what makes you feel loved, and how you like to show love. Style of conflict This may seem like [...]

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